


The Weight of Us

by BelgianPansy (chapmanspipe)



Category: Gallowglass (TV 1993), Takin' Over the Asylum
Genre: Campbell Bain has ADHD headcanon, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, None of these are graphic, Poor Joe is a heap of misery, Sandor is his own warning, Soft and Fluffy, canon compliant use of the l-slur, ehhh, please give him a hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 11:22:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30122019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chapmanspipe/pseuds/BelgianPansy
Summary: Joe Herbert is left to fend for his own, deciding to start anew somewhere else. His journey takes him to Glasgow, and the rest of this story? Let's say he is fortunate to meet one energetic Glaswegian, also set on healing himself from past and current events.
Relationships: Campbell Bain/Joe (Gallowglass)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	The Weight of Us

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L8Sm_yWdFw&ab_channel=%D0%9F%D0%BE%D0%BD%D1%87%D0%B8%D0%BA%D0%9C%D0%BE%D0%BF%D1%81
> 
> I found this video and needed to add to the small fanfic collective that this ship is.  
> Enjoy!
> 
> TW for mentions to child abuse (mentioned, not shown directly), dubcon (mentioned, not shown), abuse (the usual one from Sandor bleh), mentions of self-harm and suicide attempts.
> 
> This is situated after Sandor's death, and just before Rosalie leaves but after Fergus' death (my TOTA timeline is blurry).  
> Title taken from “The Weight of Us” by Sanders Bohlke.  
> Chapter title taken from "Have You (the island song)" by Tout Va Bien.
> 
> Skip to the end for a short description if you want to skip over this chapter, that's alright for you to do!
> 
> Everyone out there, lots of love to you, keep safe!

He had been happy, for a while. Even after _He_ had died.   
_His_ mother, Diana, needed a son to pamper, to touch. Joe shivered, thinking of the first time her touches had made him tense up. Made him move out of his panicking brain, make the world seem far and distant.

He had let it happen, as always. But the feeling of her on his skin made him sick, and it unlocked memories he had carefully stored and locked away, which made his condition worse. Made him want to do something drastic again.

So he left. Left the cosy house full of memories of… _Him._ Those memories now muddled by the ones that followed him through his life, of foster families and homes where you could not speak up about bad touches. Boys often clung to each other for comfort, there, when no one else would give it to them. When he got touched when he was with a family, it felt the same as being held by other boys, so he never struggled.   
  
Joe pulled his coat closer to his body, feeling queasy and clammy. He had stolen a credit card from _His_ mother, bought a ticket to Glasgow, just somewhere far away from London. Maybe he could then disappear there. No one would know where to look, and he would no longer be a burden to Tilly, or society as a whole.

The arrival of the train that would take him far away shook him out of his spiralling thoughts.  
He would be going north. He realised suddenly that he hadn’t thought of booking any room anywhere. Obviously, who would ever leave that to him. He couldn’t look after himself even now. His last foster parents had said so much. They were right, leaving him in the asylum. Giving his room to a tenant.

When they had visited once a month, he always tore them down by being sad and moody.  
He should have appreciated what he had back then.   
  
He sighed before he got back to the present. The train ride would be boring at best, and he hadn’t brought his walkman with him, only a book he had gotten from Sa- Him.   
Joe felt tense, running his finger down the cover of the book, _Girl Interrupted_ as by a stroke of irony. Or intentionally given to him? Who knew.

_Useless. What do you look like? A sort of skinned weasel._   
  
The snide remark still echoed in his head as he watched London slowly pass by, leaving her stinky fumes and cold streets for even colder and wetter circumstances.   
  
He could still feel the sting of the knife cutting his lip and the top of his hand, the scars glistening and mocking him every day. How he fell in love with someone who wanted someone else. How he let other people touch him without fighting back, engaging even.

He was a coward. And that’s exactly why he ran away.

**A year later**

Campbell plucked his guitar mindlessly, not really playing a melody of sorts.  
Just notes, nothing substantially, just keeping his fingers busy while his mind went places he couldn’t keep up with. He was brought back when he saw some shapes move in the corner of his sight, a murmur going through the halls. He smiled, putting his instrument aside as he got up to check out the ruckus, swiping his hair out of his face a little to look presentable.   
Isabel was accompanied by another young lad, with long brown curly hair and dirty clothes.   
He smelt a bit funny, trembling slightly. He didn’t look good at all.   
  
“Hello! New here ay? Need someone to show you around? Other than Isabel that is, you know, get some inside gossip?”   
He rattled enthusiastically, reaching out to touch the new guy’s shoulder, halting when he saw the shoulders tense.   
“Ah, not big on touching! That’s alright, there are a few people around here who don’t.”

His smile softened to a more understanding one.

Isabel sighed, she loved Campbell dearly but he could be a bit much, so she decided to introduce the two.  
“Joe? This is Campbell, you two will be sharing a room.”

Joe lifted his head, looking at the other boy for the first time. A bright smile, clear, big, brown eyes that shone with an openness he hadn’t seen in a long time. Soft, light brown hair that fell in his freckled face; wearing a hoodie that was slightly too big and hung off his thin frame.  
His whole body sparked with energy, something Joe seriously lacked.

Why was this remarkable creature so invested in him? He was just a street bum.  
A smelly rat. Nothing interesting, just a depressed meat sack. He shuffled into the room Isabel led him to, followed by Campbell, who almost skipped through the doorway, now sitting on Joe’s new bed, still smiling like Joe was the most interesting person he’d ever seen.

“I’ll bring you some new clothes we keep for occasions like this, Joe. Why don’t you let Campbell show you around after you changed?”  
The nurse didn’t as much ask him as warned him in a question, so Joe nodded. He glanced up again, startled as Campbell had come really close to him, looking him over curiously.

“I won’t bite, I swear.” He grinned at him widely.

“So to lay down the basics, we get up here at 8 am, which is, in my humble opinion, way too early. Drug round at 10 or 11, depending on what you have and what you need. Lunch at 12, therapy every Tuesday or Thursday, also depending on what type of loony you are.”  
The brown-eyed lad winked at him, indicating he didn’t judge anyone in here.   
Joe fidgeted with his clothes, looking at the other boy now, still feeling very shy.

Campbell wanted the new bloke to feel welcome, but he realised not everyone liked to be prattled at, so he stopped for a moment.  
  
“You don’t have to talk with words if you don’t want to. I talk enough for two!”   
This got him a light lifting of the other lad’s mouth, whose shoulders seemed to sag a little too.

Campbell took that as an invitation to talk a little more about the procedures around here, and the inhabitants of the floor, until Isabel came back with some soft looking drawstring trousers and some too big shirts, a few cosy-looking sweaters and a heap of underwear.  
She put them away for the long-haired young man, a soft look in her eyes as Joe gave her a small smile. He didn’t trust it fully, but he had learnt to be grateful for things like clothing. Especially clean clothing. He ran his fingers over an old black shirt, feeling the softness of the cotton, inspecting it for defects. None were found, which he was glad for.

Campbell spun around him, grabbing a towel from a dresser, and some shampoo, becking Joe to follow him.

“I’ll show you the showers and bathroom then, so you can get ready. You’ll feel a lot better after a shower, I bet.” Campbell proposed, keeping a distance between him and the other man.

The positive energy that came off Campbell made Joe feel a little better, the respectful distance he kept added to that feeling.  
He liked the constant chatter of the other lad, it held his head busy and the bad thoughts at bay.

Campbell asked him a few yes or no questions, none of them very invasive and most of them about music, for some reason.

“You might be asking yourself, Joe, why is my new friend Campbell so invested in my musical tastes? Well, here’s the thing, you thought I was just a chatty guy, right?  
Well I’m not just chatty for the fun of it, or because I can’t focus on my thoughts well, I’m actually… A radio host!” Campbell let out a loud giggle, as he dramatically spread his arms.

“We have our own hospital radio, and I’m learning to be a jockey! Oh, you’ll love it, Joe, just listening to music! You can also request music, I’d gladly pick all the songs you want.”

He said, now winking at the curly-haired man.

“There we are! Showers are here on the left, toilet on the right. I’ll wait for you here then! In case you need me, just shout ‘CAMP’ and I’ll come over, okay?”  
Joe gave him a nice smile, shuffling into the shower room. He felt relieved, to be honest. Warm water, soap, a toilet. All luxuries he hadn’t had in awhile.

He let the warm water cascade down his back, soaking his long hair before he washed himself thoroughly, scrubbing away as if it would take all the bad things that had happened to him down the drain together with the suds.  
He was confronted with the scars, gleaming ridges and flat, silver lines, littering his skin.   
He pushed away the reasons why they were there, why they had landed him here.   
He was here now. He’d get better. Maybe start a new life. Make friends.

Joe smiled at himself despite the uneasy feeling in his stomach. No ties and no one to remind him of what was might be exactly what he suffered for.

  
Campbell was seated on the floor next to the door of the showers when Joe came out, dressed in fresh clothes, clinging to his smelly ones, not knowing what to do with them.   
The other boy stretched, smiling softly at him as he sprung back up.   
“I’ll get those to the washer, don’t worry Joe.”

He kept talking about the radio job, and the man who was educating him, Eddie, dancing around Joe in his enthusiasm. Joe felt like he should feel weary of the other lad, but he couldn’t but feel pleasantly accepted by his roommate, put at ease by the way he kept up his bubbly personality and speech. The Glasgow accent was sometimes hard to follow, but he had been here for a while so by now, Joe was used to it.  
They loaded the laundry off at the designated space for Joe and went to the common area.

Joe shivered as he entered, all eyes turned to him immediately. He did not like that one bit, tensing up and backing up right into Campbell’s lean body.  
His roommate lightly touched his shoulder to keep himself from falling and stepped back with the curly-haired man.

“We can sit in our room for a bit, on our own. Everyone will just ask you annoying questions if you sit down there. Like a boring cop show.”  
Joe had to laugh a bit at that despite himself, which widened Campbell’s smile.   
He looked wonderful when he smiled, the man thought to himself. Better than…

_What are you smiling at, you weasel. You look stupid like that._   
  
He shivered, shaking his head to lose the voice and the image, as Campbell touched his arm hesitantly.

“Are you alright?”

His voice was soft and warm, like honey in tea, soothing.

Joe hesitated before he nodded. He wasn’t really, or he wouldn’t be here. But he had to be.

Campbell looked as if he wanted to hug Joe, but decided against it for his sake.

The curly haired boy hid his hands in the softness of the grey sweater, balling them up to nervous fists. He wanted to be touched. He really did, but instead tensed up into himself, breathing shallow and fluttering, like someone had set a bird loose in his ribcage and constricted his chest at once. He started sweating, his knees feeling weak and wobbly like he was perched on elastics. Campbell’s big eyes opened up even more, softly grasping Joe’s elbow as he saw the other man pale.  
The other man gasped like a man drowning, both leaning into him and reeling out of his own skin. The floppy-haired lad went silent, quickly half-dragging his roommate to their room.   
He ignored Isabel, closing the door on her with a look that stopped her from coming in.

Campbell sat Joe down on a chair, flopping down at his feet, close enough for Joe to see him, but far enough to not upset him more.

_Pathetic, little Joe. Be glad someone wants to touch you still after all the things you let them do. Little pervert._

Joe shivered, whimpering as he could not lose the voice in his head, making him feel small and insignificant. He noticed a slender and soft hand on his, rubbing circles into the silver raised scar there, making him break out in a sob.

  
“Hey, hey, it’s going to be alright. No one will hurt you here, Joe. We’re safe.”   
Campbell tried to soothe his new roommate, who was sniffling now, his breathing still fast and panicked, his eyes far away and not in the present, glassed over with whatever memories the young man held.   
The brown-eyed boy decided to possibly overstep a boundary, reaching out to the wet mop of curls and softly touching Joe’s head, trying to bring him back.

Joe let the memories wash over him, the press of a hand on his head making him shiver and close his eyes in a moment of complete trust.  
It had been months since he’s felt this way, Campbell’s words reaching him as he felt a gangly arm pull him close, his nose dipping into the other young man’s soft sweater, which smelt of generic washing powder. Nothing bad. Nothing too harsh. A soft, bony hand touching the side of his face, but it didn’t feel binding or entrapping.

Campbell stood there for a while, until the sobs and shivers quieted down, leaving him to breathe into the sweater he had pressed his face to, slightly wet from the tears he had spilt.

“Sorry,” he murmured, voice sounding wet and garbly because he hadn’t spoken in quite a while. Campbell let out a small laugh, and his honey-soft voice reassured the other man.

“No worries, Joe. It happens. Everything is going to be alright, okay? I’ll make sure of that.”

A pair of blue eyes gazed up to him, big and vulnerable, a hand coming up his thin leg, slowly stroking, which made Campbell frown a little, the other boy dropped his hand though, and tried to put a little distance between himself and the brown-eyed man.  
  
“Sorry, I-I… not used to..”   
Joe stammered, feeling unsure about himself now. He had thought that... But then again, that maybe wasn’t normal.

Campbell sank to his level, taking his hand in his own.

“You don’t have to…” he hesitated, looking down as if his Converse would spit out words for him to say.

“We can hug. Just because you need one. I don’t need more than to have it returned.” He left the rest unsaid, hoping he didn’t need to speak his thoughts in existence.

Joe gulped, nodding slowly, his eyes everywhere but on the other young man’s face.

Trying to wade through his own thoughts and whispered insults in a different voice, he sighed deeply, raising his other hand to clasp it around Campbell’s. It grounded him. He had already taken a liking to his roommate, perched for attention and kindness like a man left to die in a loveless desert, finding a precious oasis to lavish himself on.

“Thank you.” was all he managed to bring out, though, feeling exhausted all of a sudden.  
“Take a nap, Joe. I’ll keep an eye out.” Campbell’s smile lightened up the room, made something stir in Joe’s heart, something he didn’t feel ready to acknowledge in any way at this moment in time.

They let go of each other, as the curly-haired boy moved to the bed, draping himself on it.  
He couldn’t sleep under the blanket just yet. It would feel too heavy, too much on his body.

Campbell moved closer to tuck him in, but a sudden stiffening of Joe’s body told him it might not be what he needed right now, so instead, he just patted his shoulder softly.

“Do you want yer cocoa later?” he whispered loudly, fumbling with the sleeves of his hoodie, to which Joe shook his head.

Campbell sat down next to the bed, grabbing a comic from the pile Fergus had left him.  
Soon he heard the soft wisps of breath of a man asleep.   
He scrunched his face in thought, debating how to go on with this situation.   
If he left for dinner when Joe woke up, how would he react?   
Campbell sighed, frustrated with his jumbling thoughts, the ones he could never chase long enough to decipher or place well enough.   
He’d imagine Joe would wait for him. Maybe he could write a note to him? Maybe ask Isabel to tell him where he was.   
He decided on the note, as he could easily procure paper and pens here.   
The growl in his stomach reminded him that it was dinner time anyway, so he made quick work of his little note to the curly-haired man in the bed.

_Dinner! I let Isabella know to let you sleep through this one._ _  
_ _See you in a bit! Campbell_

Pleased with this, he left the note on the comic he had been reading, next to Joe’s feet, and softly padded out of the room, throwing a glance to the sleeping figure as he closed the door.  
Joe clearly needed someone, and it seemed that Campbell was the chosen one.   
He had taken up the role with a smile, anyway. He was planning on bringing back at least one thing to nibble for that thin man in their shared room, he had his ways of smuggling things out for later anyway. He saw Rosalie, waving at her to wait up for him.

He had so much to tell her about his new friend, he realised, feeling a warmth bubble in his stomach while thinking about Joe meeting everyone else, his pale face opening up with the hint of a smile he had already shown the gangly youngster.  
Campbell would make sure he’d get to see that smile more. In any way he could.

**Author's Note:**

> Joe Herbert decides to leave London behind, after reeling out of his skin because of past abuse and past experiences being unearthed by the behaviour of Sandor's mother.  
> He becomes homeless and ends up in St. Jude's Asylum, where he meets Campbell Bain, who decides to lead him around, Joe is non-verbal at this time.  
> Joe suffers an anxiety attack after a confrontational shower and gets comforted by Campbell, who hugs him after it's clear that won't break the boundaries Joe set up before.  
> Joe can still hear Sandor talk down to him and that's what upset him, but when hugged by Campbell he kind of feels better.
> 
> The anxiety attack drains him however and he goes to take a nap just before dinner. Campbell leaves him a note and leaves for a short while.


End file.
